Sometimes, just sometimes, you might get your hand trodden on. It happens occasionally if you aren't paying full attention, and usually when your hand is, for some reason, in close proximity to some wayward feet.
Good examples of this may be if you are knelt on the floor involved in some activity which may require a hand placed on the floor for extra balance or leverage, (minds out of gutters please, I mean like reaching for something heavy at the back of a low cupboard) or possibly if you have fallen over in some manly team sporting activity and another participant of said sporting activity can't change direction quick enough.
These would be perfectly acceptable situations in which you may unfortunately have your hand trodden on.
You'd think you would be safe from this sort of misfortune when clinging to a climbing wall, 30 foot off the floor.
It could only happen to me, I'm telling you.
My thumb is killing me.
Thursday 29 November 2007
Wednesday 28 November 2007
Location Location Location
I saw this in Hounslow at the weekend when I went to Rachel's mums with her, and I thought it was so funny I had to take a picture, and of course, share it with you folks.
Talk about fierce competition...
Monday 26 November 2007
Don't let the door hit you on the way out...
I read an article in a newspaper this weekend (the newspaper shall remain nameless 'cos otherwise you'll all assume I read it regularly and will form some weird judgements about me based on my preferred daily reading material, which isn't true, it was on Rachel's mum's coffee table, but you'd never believe that) that was about a failed asylum seeker who wanted to go home because he said the British 'Weren't very nice to him'.
The council gave him a free flat, but it wasn't nice enough so he refused it and then moaned when he was put in hostel accommodation.
The council gave him food vouchers but he moaned about those because he wanted real money instead. (As obviously you can buy more food with real money than with denominated vouchers, everyone knows that)
He is getting free NHS treatment for his shopping list of ailments and he says he deserves it because he can't afford it back in his home country. Nothing to do with the fact that he was unemployed in his home country, oh no, definitely not.
Oh and he gets free public transport, but that's probably not good enough for him either 'cos he doesn't get his own Bentley and chauffeur or something equally ludicrous.
Now, this guy wants to go home to his (possibly) war torn and (almost certainly) third world country because we are so mean and nasty and the only question I want to ask is this:
Why haven't we sent him back yet?!?!
This is as political as I am ever likely to get, inane ramblings will resume soon, promise.
The council gave him a free flat, but it wasn't nice enough so he refused it and then moaned when he was put in hostel accommodation.
The council gave him food vouchers but he moaned about those because he wanted real money instead. (As obviously you can buy more food with real money than with denominated vouchers, everyone knows that)
He is getting free NHS treatment for his shopping list of ailments and he says he deserves it because he can't afford it back in his home country. Nothing to do with the fact that he was unemployed in his home country, oh no, definitely not.
Oh and he gets free public transport, but that's probably not good enough for him either 'cos he doesn't get his own Bentley and chauffeur or something equally ludicrous.
Now, this guy wants to go home to his (possibly) war torn and (almost certainly) third world country because we are so mean and nasty and the only question I want to ask is this:
Why haven't we sent him back yet?!?!
This is as political as I am ever likely to get, inane ramblings will resume soon, promise.
Sunday 18 November 2007
From the thoughts of, er, John Smith...
Somebody called me at work the other day saying that they had tried to serve me some legal papers at my home address. I obviously wasn't in, what with being at work and everything, but my neighbours told him I didn't live there any more, so he had 'somehow' got my work number and was trying to track me down.
It seems I may soon become a fugitive from the law, we are through the looking glass here people.
Any future communications will be placed under a pseudomyn until the heat dies down a bit, and if anyone asks, you ain't seen me, right?
It seems I may soon become a fugitive from the law, we are through the looking glass here people.
Any future communications will be placed under a pseudomyn until the heat dies down a bit, and if anyone asks, you ain't seen me, right?
Wednesday 14 November 2007
There's sharks in them there waters...
After work today I 7-balled my boss on the work pool table. (this isn't a euphemism, it means I potted all my balls and the black, not even letting him get one ball in.)
I reckon the result of this is a toss-up between being respected for my superb cueing skills, and having to empty the bins for the forseeable future.
I'm taking a pair of marigolds to work tomorrow just in case.
I reckon the result of this is a toss-up between being respected for my superb cueing skills, and having to empty the bins for the forseeable future.
I'm taking a pair of marigolds to work tomorrow just in case.
Monday 12 November 2007
Bloody Petty, Money Grabbing...
(In the style of Muttley from Wacky Races and Catch the Pigeon) Rassa frassa rasssa...
I'm a bit angry really, 'cos a whole bunch of people who obviously think they don't have enough money yet, and who want to try and pointlessly fuck about with as many people's lives as possible in the process of getting that extra cash may soon cause me to have to quit my job.
Long story short, (with no names 'cos it really might get all legal eagle some time soon) I used to work with my dad and we ran a franchised company. I was a director along with him, but I left a year ago and went to work for a local company that are in the same line of business.
My dad closed down the company in the last month, and the franchisor is going mad 'cos he did it through an insolvency company in order to save himself as much money as possible, instead of closing it down through the contracted methods, which would involve paying lots and lots of extra fees and penalties to the franchisor.
He is perfectly within his rights to do this, but the franchisor is trying to claw back 'damages' for his actions, or something like that, basically trying to get back some of the cash they could have made for nothing if my dad had closed down the company by the book.
A now ex-employee of my dads is a complete tosser, and blabbed all this information about the business closing down to the franchisor in the first place, for no reason we can determine other than for petty personal revenge.
What I found out today is this tosser also told them that I work for a company in the same line of business, and so due to my personal agreement with the franchisor as a director, they can apparently legally force me to quit my job as it is a conflict of interests or some bollocks.
Absolute fucking bastards.
The company I work for now is in the same line of business but is in another league when it comes to volume of work and type of clientele, there is almost no possible conflict of interest between the two, so basically these people may force me to quit my job just because they can, it has absolutely zero effect on them in any way, but it fucks my life up royally. Once again, absolute fucking bastards.
If I ever see the tosser who blabbed this information out in the street, I am likely to do something very out of character, possibly several times.
Incidentally, 2 and a half years of climbing twice a week has given me arms like small steam pistons, and an incredibly strong grip which could probably form quite a good fist and punch with quite a lot of force.
Interesting, that.
I'm a bit angry really, 'cos a whole bunch of people who obviously think they don't have enough money yet, and who want to try and pointlessly fuck about with as many people's lives as possible in the process of getting that extra cash may soon cause me to have to quit my job.
Long story short, (with no names 'cos it really might get all legal eagle some time soon) I used to work with my dad and we ran a franchised company. I was a director along with him, but I left a year ago and went to work for a local company that are in the same line of business.
My dad closed down the company in the last month, and the franchisor is going mad 'cos he did it through an insolvency company in order to save himself as much money as possible, instead of closing it down through the contracted methods, which would involve paying lots and lots of extra fees and penalties to the franchisor.
He is perfectly within his rights to do this, but the franchisor is trying to claw back 'damages' for his actions, or something like that, basically trying to get back some of the cash they could have made for nothing if my dad had closed down the company by the book.
A now ex-employee of my dads is a complete tosser, and blabbed all this information about the business closing down to the franchisor in the first place, for no reason we can determine other than for petty personal revenge.
What I found out today is this tosser also told them that I work for a company in the same line of business, and so due to my personal agreement with the franchisor as a director, they can apparently legally force me to quit my job as it is a conflict of interests or some bollocks.
Absolute fucking bastards.
The company I work for now is in the same line of business but is in another league when it comes to volume of work and type of clientele, there is almost no possible conflict of interest between the two, so basically these people may force me to quit my job just because they can, it has absolutely zero effect on them in any way, but it fucks my life up royally. Once again, absolute fucking bastards.
If I ever see the tosser who blabbed this information out in the street, I am likely to do something very out of character, possibly several times.
Incidentally, 2 and a half years of climbing twice a week has given me arms like small steam pistons, and an incredibly strong grip which could probably form quite a good fist and punch with quite a lot of force.
Interesting, that.
Sunday 11 November 2007
I suddenly thought...
Ooh, can I add 'Groove is in the Heart' by Dee-lite to my list of 8 songs I could listen to over and over please? Is that allowed? Is there a cut-off date?
While i'm here, better add some important, useful content that people will want to read and possibly comment on.... erm...
Ah yes, me and Rach were doing the times2 crossword last night and we worked out the answer to the clue "four times bottle size" was 'Jeroboam'. (you know, like Magnum is twice a normal bottle size)
For me, it was one of those weird things that just stick in your mind for no apparent reason, and I am pretty confident that I will now remember it for the rest of my life. (Another useless fact to be stored away where it can take up space that would otherwise be used for remembering things like where I left my beanie hat)
I also looked up in Schott's miscelleany that 20 times bottle size is a Nebuchadnezzar (sp), and I reckon I will always remember that too now.
I'm going to be dynamite at the christmas party this year...
While i'm here, better add some important, useful content that people will want to read and possibly comment on.... erm...
Ah yes, me and Rach were doing the times2 crossword last night and we worked out the answer to the clue "four times bottle size" was 'Jeroboam'. (you know, like Magnum is twice a normal bottle size)
For me, it was one of those weird things that just stick in your mind for no apparent reason, and I am pretty confident that I will now remember it for the rest of my life. (Another useless fact to be stored away where it can take up space that would otherwise be used for remembering things like where I left my beanie hat)
I also looked up in Schott's miscelleany that 20 times bottle size is a Nebuchadnezzar (sp), and I reckon I will always remember that too now.
I'm going to be dynamite at the christmas party this year...
Friday 9 November 2007
Blog overload
Blimey, 3 posts in one day? Something must be wrong, but like my approach to motor mechanics, I won't do anything about it until something either catches on fire or breaks irrepairably, leaving me stranded hundreds of miles from home with no AA cover.
Hmm, dodgy analogy.
I just had to mention that I just watched a comedian called Katie Brand being interviewed by Jonathon Ross, and I couldn't help but find her strangely attractive and I can't decide specifically why.
Anybody agree with me? Google her and let me know. (Clive, i'm looking to you for some support here)
Hmm, dodgy analogy.
I just had to mention that I just watched a comedian called Katie Brand being interviewed by Jonathon Ross, and I couldn't help but find her strangely attractive and I can't decide specifically why.
Anybody agree with me? Google her and let me know. (Clive, i'm looking to you for some support here)
Incredibly late climbing update
I'm sure nobody cares any more, but I wanted to write about the climbing competition properly, 'cos it was ace.
I speed-climbed a route that was at least a mile high (this may not be an entirely accurate measurement but it helps add a bit of bloggy drama and excitement, lord know we need some more of that.) in about 13.5 seconds, beating the nearest time by 3 seconds.
For this, I won a women's t-shirt, which was obviously not a huge amount of use to me (although I did try it on just in case) but should come in handy in about 46 days time.
I jumped 2.3 metres from handhold to handhold in order to get a third place in the, er, 'jumping from handhold to handhold' competition. It's called a Dyno competition but I didn't want to blind people with jargon.
I also climbed a load of short routes and one big long route without falling off hardly at all, (jargon removed for ease of reading) which helped to give me enough points to come second overall.
It could have been first but I was playing the thinking man's game and trying to work the percentages in order to get the best chance of winning. This was a stupid idea of course, I should have been playing the climbing man's game, seeing as how I was in a climbing competition. It all seems so simple looking back on it.
I got chatting to a guy who was writing an article about the competition for his Journalism course, he was a nice chap and ego boost aside, even though his work would probably never be published any more widely than on his University Intranet, being interviewed after my frankly incredible performance in the speed climb made me feel like a proper athlete and everything.
Second place netted me a huge climbing-hold thing as a prize, you are supposed to bolt it to a convenient wall and then regularly hang on it to practice your different holds and improve your grip. This would be great if I had a convenient wall to bolt it to. I tried to put it up at work, but I swear that I was told I couldn't put it up on work premises because of the health and safety implications. I will not go on about this, but it can be officially noted that 'health and safety' is very, very high on my list of things I want to be able to send deep into space on a very powerful rocket with no steering controls. (Just in case you were wondering, I would put Bono in the cockpit.)
Anyway, health and safety aside, I had a great time, the competition aspect of the event made it really exciting, I won something of actual monetary value, and I did much better than I thought I possibly could so my ego is suitably sated too.
I might have to enter a few more of these things.
I speed-climbed a route that was at least a mile high (this may not be an entirely accurate measurement but it helps add a bit of bloggy drama and excitement, lord know we need some more of that.) in about 13.5 seconds, beating the nearest time by 3 seconds.
For this, I won a women's t-shirt, which was obviously not a huge amount of use to me (although I did try it on just in case) but should come in handy in about 46 days time.
I jumped 2.3 metres from handhold to handhold in order to get a third place in the, er, 'jumping from handhold to handhold' competition. It's called a Dyno competition but I didn't want to blind people with jargon.
I also climbed a load of short routes and one big long route without falling off hardly at all, (jargon removed for ease of reading) which helped to give me enough points to come second overall.
It could have been first but I was playing the thinking man's game and trying to work the percentages in order to get the best chance of winning. This was a stupid idea of course, I should have been playing the climbing man's game, seeing as how I was in a climbing competition. It all seems so simple looking back on it.
I got chatting to a guy who was writing an article about the competition for his Journalism course, he was a nice chap and ego boost aside, even though his work would probably never be published any more widely than on his University Intranet, being interviewed after my frankly incredible performance in the speed climb made me feel like a proper athlete and everything.
Second place netted me a huge climbing-hold thing as a prize, you are supposed to bolt it to a convenient wall and then regularly hang on it to practice your different holds and improve your grip. This would be great if I had a convenient wall to bolt it to. I tried to put it up at work, but I swear that I was told I couldn't put it up on work premises because of the health and safety implications. I will not go on about this, but it can be officially noted that 'health and safety' is very, very high on my list of things I want to be able to send deep into space on a very powerful rocket with no steering controls. (Just in case you were wondering, I would put Bono in the cockpit.)
Anyway, health and safety aside, I had a great time, the competition aspect of the event made it really exciting, I won something of actual monetary value, and I did much better than I thought I possibly could so my ego is suitably sated too.
I might have to enter a few more of these things.
1 thing, or possibly less.
Here is a very short post, just in case you fancy a bit of Aimless reading and you can't be arsed to read the massive post below.
I had a dream last night that I was trying to chat up Jo from S-club 7*. It was going pretty well and she told me her real name was May and not actually Jo, but then I was informed that she was an enemy spy and I had to chase her around a model of a desert village and try to shoot her with an automatic rifle.
I'm struggling to find the message hidden in that one.
*I'd just like to point out that I am not and never have been attracted to Jo from S-club 7, not when I was a hormone-driven teenager who would tend to want to boff anything without an adam's apple, and certainly not when she went on Big Brother and revealed herself as the rough Essex tart that she is**.
**I don't watch Big Brother either, but it's hard to avoid finding out what happens on it.
I had a dream last night that I was trying to chat up Jo from S-club 7*. It was going pretty well and she told me her real name was May and not actually Jo, but then I was informed that she was an enemy spy and I had to chase her around a model of a desert village and try to shoot her with an automatic rifle.
I'm struggling to find the message hidden in that one.
*I'd just like to point out that I am not and never have been attracted to Jo from S-club 7, not when I was a hormone-driven teenager who would tend to want to boff anything without an adam's apple, and certainly not when she went on Big Brother and revealed herself as the rough Essex tart that she is**.
**I don't watch Big Brother either, but it's hard to avoid finding out what happens on it.
Friday 2 November 2007
8 things, apparently.
Hey, look at me, an active part of the bloggy community and everything! Clive a.k.a Kitchentable (i'm not doing one of those linky coloured text things, follow the link over there >> the one predictably labelled Kitchentable) has passed on and asked me to fill out this list of seven lists of eight things (keep up).
If it had been sent to me by email it would probably have gone the same way as all the lottery win notifications and penis enlargement adverts I get, but as this blog thing is still all shiny and new and exciting to me, I will do my duty and fill it out.
Bit late I know, but, well, I can't even think of a reason why I should apologise for that, so nerr.
Here goes:
8 things I’m passionate about:
1. Rachel, blimey I'd get in trouble if I forgot that one. err, not that I would of course. Ahem.
2. Climbing. It's not got old yet, not even close.
3. Thinking through half-baked ideas but never putting them into action. I do this constantly and it's great fun. Passionate? yeah why not.
4. Telling people about really good films. I think I enjoy doing this more than actually watching the film in the first place.
5. Rotary engines. GEEEEEK! but trust me, they are cool.
6. Just fun in general really. Much preferable to, well, most things. Maybe this should be 'the pursuit of fun' instead.
7. erm... can I have Rachel again, I am really rather passionate about her after all.
8. I'll come back to this one, possibly.
8 things I want to do before I die:
1. Live quite a bit longer.
2. Build my own house with an interior balcony in the bedroom that opens out over an indoor swimming pool one floor below. Specific I know but I want what I want.
3. Spend a period of my life not having to worry about money.
4. Visit a good proportion of the countries of the world, I'm only on about 10 at the moment, and that's only if you count 3 Canary Islands separately.
5. Be my own boss.
6. Get something published. I genuinely don't care what it is.
7. Win a bloody climbing competition, don't ask.
8. Just before I die, change my will so that all my money gets left to a traffic bollard or something equally barmy. Although saying that, the way my mind wanders, I probably will be barmy if I live past about sixty five.
8 things I say often:
This changes quite often, and I tend to quote funny stuff from films and tv quite a lot, but right now it is:
1. Blimey
2. Aye Bambi
3. Hello beautiful.
4. wellll wellll welllll
5. Alright geezer (in dodgy cockerney accent)
6. Spider Dan, spider Dan.. (there is a whole theme tune, not made up by me I might add)
7. Slabby crack-crack (climbing related, not to do with narcotics abuse)
8. and a swear word to round it off, erm, I'll go for 'fucking cunty bollocks'
8 books I’ve read recently:
1. The Reality Dysfunction - Peter F. Hamilton
2. Fall of Kings - David Gemmell
3. at least six other David Gemmell books as I recently filled out my collection, so I'll mention a few interesting but not quite so recent books instead.
Breaking Vegas - Ben Mezrich (SP)
4. Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse - Robert Rankin
5. Anansi Boys - Neil Gaiman
6. Yes Man - Danny Wallace
7. Anything by Terry Pratchett
8. And anything old by Clive Cussler
8 songs I could listen to over and over:
1. The weird five beat to the bar song on 'Sea of the dying dhow' by Shels.
2. The whole Toxicity album by System of a Down (I can't just pick one)
3. Killing in the name by Rage Against The Machine
4. Walk by Pantera
5. Spread Love by Lenny Fontana
6. Blimey this is hard, erm, Weather Experience by Prodigy
7. Don't stop me now by Queen
8. Teardrop by Massive Attack
8 things that attract me to my best friend
1. She is also my (inverted commas) lover. Oh yes indeed.
2. Her complete lack of any crazy girlie type attributes. (Random strops, totally illogical arguments etc)
3. She is incredibly cool in all sorts of ways without even knowing it.
4,5,6,7 & 8. See 1, above
8 things I've learned this year:
1. Going out and getting drunk is fun, not scary.
2. 'Yes' is always considerably more fun than 'No', and a damn sight better than 'Maybe' too.
3. Blogging requires considerable commitment at times, much more than I thought it would.
4. Money really really isn't everything, it really isn't.
5. Just because you don't see someone as often as you used to, they are still just as good a friend as before.
6. I don't want to be a graphic designer.
7. Damn, I'm all out, seems I only learned 6 things this year, still, not bad going I reckon.
If it had been sent to me by email it would probably have gone the same way as all the lottery win notifications and penis enlargement adverts I get, but as this blog thing is still all shiny and new and exciting to me, I will do my duty and fill it out.
Bit late I know, but, well, I can't even think of a reason why I should apologise for that, so nerr.
Here goes:
8 things I’m passionate about:
1. Rachel, blimey I'd get in trouble if I forgot that one. err, not that I would of course. Ahem.
2. Climbing. It's not got old yet, not even close.
3. Thinking through half-baked ideas but never putting them into action. I do this constantly and it's great fun. Passionate? yeah why not.
4. Telling people about really good films. I think I enjoy doing this more than actually watching the film in the first place.
5. Rotary engines. GEEEEEK! but trust me, they are cool.
6. Just fun in general really. Much preferable to, well, most things. Maybe this should be 'the pursuit of fun' instead.
7. erm... can I have Rachel again, I am really rather passionate about her after all.
8. I'll come back to this one, possibly.
8 things I want to do before I die:
1. Live quite a bit longer.
2. Build my own house with an interior balcony in the bedroom that opens out over an indoor swimming pool one floor below. Specific I know but I want what I want.
3. Spend a period of my life not having to worry about money.
4. Visit a good proportion of the countries of the world, I'm only on about 10 at the moment, and that's only if you count 3 Canary Islands separately.
5. Be my own boss.
6. Get something published. I genuinely don't care what it is.
7. Win a bloody climbing competition, don't ask.
8. Just before I die, change my will so that all my money gets left to a traffic bollard or something equally barmy. Although saying that, the way my mind wanders, I probably will be barmy if I live past about sixty five.
8 things I say often:
This changes quite often, and I tend to quote funny stuff from films and tv quite a lot, but right now it is:
1. Blimey
2. Aye Bambi
3. Hello beautiful.
4. wellll wellll welllll
5. Alright geezer (in dodgy cockerney accent)
6. Spider Dan, spider Dan.. (there is a whole theme tune, not made up by me I might add)
7. Slabby crack-crack (climbing related, not to do with narcotics abuse)
8. and a swear word to round it off, erm, I'll go for 'fucking cunty bollocks'
8 books I’ve read recently:
1. The Reality Dysfunction - Peter F. Hamilton
2. Fall of Kings - David Gemmell
3. at least six other David Gemmell books as I recently filled out my collection, so I'll mention a few interesting but not quite so recent books instead.
Breaking Vegas - Ben Mezrich (SP)
4. Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse - Robert Rankin
5. Anansi Boys - Neil Gaiman
6. Yes Man - Danny Wallace
7. Anything by Terry Pratchett
8. And anything old by Clive Cussler
8 songs I could listen to over and over:
1. The weird five beat to the bar song on 'Sea of the dying dhow' by Shels.
2. The whole Toxicity album by System of a Down (I can't just pick one)
3. Killing in the name by Rage Against The Machine
4. Walk by Pantera
5. Spread Love by Lenny Fontana
6. Blimey this is hard, erm, Weather Experience by Prodigy
7. Don't stop me now by Queen
8. Teardrop by Massive Attack
8 things that attract me to my best friend
1. She is also my (inverted commas) lover. Oh yes indeed.
2. Her complete lack of any crazy girlie type attributes. (Random strops, totally illogical arguments etc)
3. She is incredibly cool in all sorts of ways without even knowing it.
4,5,6,7 & 8. See 1, above
8 things I've learned this year:
1. Going out and getting drunk is fun, not scary.
2. 'Yes' is always considerably more fun than 'No', and a damn sight better than 'Maybe' too.
3. Blogging requires considerable commitment at times, much more than I thought it would.
4. Money really really isn't everything, it really isn't.
5. Just because you don't see someone as often as you used to, they are still just as good a friend as before.
6. I don't want to be a graphic designer.
7. Damn, I'm all out, seems I only learned 6 things this year, still, not bad going I reckon.
Thursday 1 November 2007
The Climbing Competition
Cor blimey have I ever been busy busy busy.
Still, not to worry, full report on the climbing comp to come I promise, stoopid t'interweb went down a couple of days ago otherwise I would have written about it sooner.
Just to quell the rising excitement, I came second overall, and I won one of the individual competitions too, which I was well pleased with.
A nice chap called Rich interviewed me for an article he is writing for his uni Journalism course, it may possibly get published in a climbing mag so that would be cool too.
So, yes, i will be back with more info soon, I was forced to go out partying last night for Hallowe'en ( I didn't want to I swear) dressed as Alex from A Clockwork Orange, and now I am a bit on the knackered side, so I'm off to Rachel's to make use of her excellent bed facilities. Night all.
Still, not to worry, full report on the climbing comp to come I promise, stoopid t'interweb went down a couple of days ago otherwise I would have written about it sooner.
Just to quell the rising excitement, I came second overall, and I won one of the individual competitions too, which I was well pleased with.
A nice chap called Rich interviewed me for an article he is writing for his uni Journalism course, it may possibly get published in a climbing mag so that would be cool too.
So, yes, i will be back with more info soon, I was forced to go out partying last night for Hallowe'en ( I didn't want to I swear) dressed as Alex from A Clockwork Orange, and now I am a bit on the knackered side, so I'm off to Rachel's to make use of her excellent bed facilities. Night all.
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